Miss you, Mama!

They’re wrong when they say a man's body is two-thirds water. I'd say it's composed almost entirely, of his mother. You might say an old man's feeling uncharacteristically emotional on Mother's Day, but I could prove to you that a Mom is easily the most powerful person in a man's life (and I mean not just the Indian man's life, as some feminists are fond of ranting), and quite certainly the most lasting influence.

At the scientific level this is an easy enough concept - everyone agrees that a child 'learns' mostly during the first 15 yrs of his existence and that is generally the phase where the mother's influence is greatest, so QED. On the other hand, if you’re the filmy-type, all you need to do is point to the iconic ‘Mere paas Maa hai’ to assert a mother’s all-important role in a son’s life. If you're more Shakespearean in your outlook, you might be inclined to attribute this primacy to the famous Electra Complex. And of course, if you belong to a rare matriarchical or matrilineal community, this will again be pretty obvious, as you’d have sadly learnt by now that you will never inherit your mother's property unless you're female.

But no: as you'd have guessed, my point is a little more universal, and covers all types of men and women, everywhere. A mother, is indeed, the person who quite literally shapes a child, thus determining, to a very large extent, the course of his/her future life. Of course, the father, peers and the spouse all play a significant role, but never quite like that of the mother. As a 49 year old, I therefore have no compunction in admitting that, blood IS thicker than water. And on Mother’s Day, not only do I feel an all-encompassing surge of love for my late mother, but strangely, also a latent tinge of jealousy against my wife – who I realise, has had a stronger role to play in the lives of my sons!

So what do I salute my mother for, in making me what I am? Not the big things, you’ll notice, but the small ones, which as we all know from experience, are the ones that really count, when push comes to shove.

Brush your teeth, make your bed and keep your cupboard tidy
Things that most mothers teach most children, but only a few really learn, especially boys. She was ever so orderly about everything: her personal effects, sheets, curtains, kitchen: everything thing at home. To this day, I remember how she’d catalogued and kept her collection of cassettes and videocassettes—it would put any library to shame. The big point: if a person can’t be tidy and orderly in his living, his mind will always be cluttered.

Do it yourself, even if you haven’t learnt how
A million things you might think mothers reserve for their daughters, I got to learn from my mum - how to thread a needle, make a round roti, sweep the floor, bargain with vegetable-vendors, pack woolies with naphthalene-balls, wash my undies - all came in very handy when I had to set up home. And I had to do that multiple times as a bachelor, as well as a married person, in different cities.
The big point: Dirty your hands even with things you think you’re not meant to do—you never know when they come in useful.

Be bold to venture where no one’s been before
As a person displaced by Partition, Swaran (my mother, meaning 'gold') went through major trauma as she grew up and her family found feet in Delhi. Maybe that was how the explorer/fighter in her came to the fore, making her do things you wouldn’t associate with a woman of her time: excelling in sports, taking up a job, falling in love with and getting married to someone her family did not approve of, manage a home for a long period when her husband was away overseas, joining him and setting up home in England, learning how to drive post 50: the list is endless.
The big point: go where others haven’t been before, and you’re sure to find the treasure—even if it’s in the journey!

Have faith and the good times shall come
The ability to be patient and wait for the tide to turn, is something most boys must learn but many can’t seem to manage. I’ve seen my mother manage home with virtually nothing in her purse, but an unwavering faith in her husband’s and her ability to survive. If I’ve learnt how to dig in and believe in oneself, even when the chips are down, it’s very largely thanks to Mama.
The big point: What goes up, must come down, and vice-versa. The sooner you understand it and stand aside, the easier it will be for you to catch it at the right time!

Others before yourself
That mothers sacrifice for their husbands, children and home is common legend. But to see your mother give up everything for you is really inspiring. If you’ve seen your mother give you everything you’ve ever wanted, even at great personal discomfort and pain, how would you not learn to give of yourself!
The big point: Do unto others as you would others unto you and you’ll find that it works!